Gods React to Mortals Naming Things After Them
On a lazy afternoon atop Olympus, the gods gathered around Hermes’ enchanted scroll—essentially, a divine version of Google.
“Mortals adore us again,” Hermes announced, smirking, lounging in a toga he claimed was vintage couture.
“They’ve named things after us. Brands. Icons. Legends.”
Aphrodite perked up. “Perfume? Lipsticks?”
“Mostly love advice columns,” Hermes replied.
She shrugged. “Close enough.”
Apollo adjusted his sunlit tunic. “What about me?”
“You’re literally a spacecraft now.”
He paused. “…So, a chariot that breaks the atmosphere? Acceptable.”
“And also a line of motivational podcasts.”
“…Less acceptable.”
Nike, perched on a cloud edge, smiled smugly.
“Victory, mortals, and footwear. I approve.”
She lifted a mortal sneaker with wings on the sides. “Very on brand.”
Hermes beamed. “As for me? I’m a luxury fashion house. Mortals now pay fortunes to wear my name on their chests. I’ve transcended commerce.”
From Olympus to outlet malls—divinity is now wearable.
Zeus, arms crossed and thunder brewing in his beard, grunted.
“And me? Surely the King of the Gods has inspired empires.”
Hermes hesitated.
Apollo coughed.
Even Dionysus set down his wine.
“…You are,” Hermes said slowly, “a helmet brand.”
“A glorious helmet, then? For warriors? Gladiators?”
“…A motorcycle helmet. In Taiwan.”
A scroll unfolded revealing the tagline:
“ZEUS™ — The Sky-Grade Scooter Helmet for Everyday Kings.”
Zeus stared.
“They gave me ventilation holes.”
One man’s sky king is another man’s scooter helmet.
The clouds rumbled.
“Do they at least fear it?”
“Uh. It’s... quite popular with food delivery drivers.”
The thunder cracked.
Dionysus, ever the diplomat, handed him a branded helmet and said,
“Well... at least it’s protective. Not like your parenting style.”
Zeus stormed off.
The gods erupted into divine laughter.
Immortality means nothing if mortals give you poor marketing.
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